[WARNING: CrossFit Cult Propaganda ahead]
First, I can’t say how flattered I am that people have asked when my next blog was coming. That’s so awesome and I appreciate it more than I can say. I’ve been super busy [taking naps] lately but I’m back for now!
Second, I will admit that maybe not all of the changes that I’m talking about here are totally attributed to CrossFit. Some of it may simply be me growing up and figuring shit out for myself, but what the sport has given me shouldn’t be discounted.
Next Friday will be 7 months from the day I started at CrossFit Jetty. In that time, I’ve lost anywhere from 10-15lbs depending on my consistency in training at the moment. For the sake of my own sanity, I don’t weigh or measure myself often so I truly couldn’t give you a super accurate number. Others are definitely seeing more progress faster than I am, but that’s only due to my own choices. It can be frustrating sometimes but I’m not being cheated out of anything here. I struggled to get to the box 3 times a week during the cold months. I knew late winter would be the hardest for me. I still struggle at times with my nutrition choices but that’s life. I like food. It is what it is. It’ll never go away. I can only do the best that I can do. I’m not going to make myself crazy over the occassional French Fry. I applaud my paleo friends. I wish I had that in me. Maybe someday.
Anyway, while my progress on the scale in seven months may not be considered by many as tremendous, I can’t speak highly enough of what I’ve gained so far. (#Gainz)
First, I have to talk about our little family. It’s worth mentioning that CrossFit is not a cheap fitness solution. I hear often from ‘outsiders’ about how much money I would save if I’d just go to a “regular” gym. “You can do all the same things there on your own” they all tell me. Perhaps that’s true. But I won’t because I know myself. The 7:30AM text on a Thursday from Pooch asking me where the hell I am is what keeps me accountable. Having to get my ass up because Nicole’s waiting for me. When I walk in after an extended absence and I hear Dennis call out “Oh look who decided to show up”, Facebook posts from Ashley or Jackie asking where I am when I fail to wake up; It’s all the little things that keep me coming back and 100% make the added expense worth it. But more than anything, and this makes me a little sad to admit, because of the nature of my job and the crazy ass hours I work, I don’t have much of a social life these days. My daily journey to Jetty is the closest thing to a social activity that I get on a daily basis. I’m sure most of them don’t know this, but without these people I sweat next to 3-5 times a week, I surely would’ve totally lost my mind sometime late January. (Thanks, everyone.)
I am by no means excelling in this sport. My progress is slow and my inconsistency lately certainly doesn’t help. I barely pass as decent on a good day. But, I keep showing up because I love our community. I don’t know if boxes are like this everywhere or if I just lucked out, honestly. I never thought I’d be a person with “gym friends” who enjoyed being there but here I am, sadder that I’m working during a Friday night Open WOD than I was when I had to work on Thanksgiving.
Next, the confidence. I have never been a person who was content working with what I had. The grass was always, always greener. I’ve always wanted thinner legs, clearer skin and fuller hair but at some point, it comes time to accept that there’s only so much you can do. This sport has made me feel better about myself and my abilities than I ever have in my life. My body amazes me on a daily basis. Every morning I show up exhausted and I think the WOD will definitely kill me and then I inevitably survive and that’s so awesome. As I’ve said earlier, I have never been really truly ok with my body and what I look like but who cares what I look like when I can do such cool shit?! Never in a million years did I think I’d ever lift 115lbs over my head but ya know what? I can. Like, multiple times. I’m not going to lose 30 lbs in 2 months. But I’m not looking for quick results here. I’m slowly getting stronger and I see that and that’s way cooler than it would be to have skinny legs or Kardashian hair, none of which I really worked for. But that’s just one girl’s opinion, I guess.
Today I cut off a bunch of hair because no matter how many vitamins and garbage I take, I am never going to have big, voluminous Kardashian/Carrie Underwood hair – it’s simply not in the cards for me. So, I can keep growing my hair and wishing it was something it just isn’t, or I can cut it and do my own thing. Being more at peace and accepting of what and who I am has put me in the best place I think I’ve ever been mentally. I’m learning to work with what I have rather than wishing away all the stuff I don’t like and being down on myself constantly about stuff that doesn’t really matter.
And what have all these good vibez and confidence bubbles gotten me, you ask? Besides a better attitude on a daily basis – a wonderful, wonderful boyfriend whom I’m quite fond of. CrossFit did not give me DJ but it did give me the kick in the ass necessary to stop being so hard on myself constantly. Turns out, if you’re out there in the world hating on yourself all the time, it’ll be pretty difficult for others to see how cool you are deep down inside. You get what you give. I sound like a fortune cookie, you say? Yep. I do. Except it’s all true and I’m walking proof.
If you asked me last March if I would ever be with such a kind, truly great guy I would’ve called you a crazy person. I never saw it prior, but it’s really hard to demand what you deserve from people when you don’t actually believe you deserve it. There are some people who I allowed to be pretty shitty to me, in retrospect. I never felt good enough. I always correlated my weight or my perception of myself to my value as a human, which is crazy. When I started to see value in myself is when, I guess, others were able to see it as well since I’d known Deej for like 5 years and it took him this long to figure it out.
Anyway, I’m super happy. That’s really the short version, I guess. I’ll let you know when I nail that handstand.