The past couple months, my life has been a bit overcrowded by persons who may not have necessarily deserved as much room as I was allowing them. Or definitely didn’t. Whatever. The power of convenience is a real thing. Up until recently, I was working crazy ass hours and really the only people I had regular contact with were the people who worked those crazy ass hours with me. Since that was all coming to a very abrupt and scary end, I had some real thinking to do. My convenient arrangement was soon going to turn into the complete opposite and once something requires any real effort on my part, I have to seriously consider if I care enough to put forth any effort. The answer is usually no, unless I’m being paid or there’s going to be tacos. Yet, there I was, kidding myself, as usual, that maybe this unnamed person was worth my time. And then suddenly, the smallest little uneventful thing happened and everything was clear:
Last weekend, some friends and I trekked way out east for country night – something that never goes well for me. I desperately want to learn to line dance, but every single time I get there and I chicken out. Anyway, while I watched John work his “I’m gonna be a doctor” magic on some poor, unsuspecting girl, the bar we were at emptied out quick. I hate being the last people in a bar more than almost anything except being the first people in a bar and packing. My former person had texted me, being he lives in the area, that he was at a bar around the block and we should come there. He wasn’t sure how long he was going to be there as it was well after 11PM already, but hey, at least I wouldn’t be standing in an empty bar in my sad little cowboy boots.
We walked around the block to the very crowded bar. I texted him that I was there and watched him make no attempt at all to find me in the crowd. Par for the course. If there’s anyone on earth who is less willing to do work than I am, it’s this person. But, I wasn’t there to see him. I was there for country night and to watch John prey on girls because it’s actually amazing to see how confident he gets when he drinks. It’s almost inhuman; Godlike, if you will. So, we find a table – John, His conquest, her friend, Brian, Marisa, Eric and Myself – and we settle into a corner. Everyone’s having a decent time and then it happens. I spot him outside with a group of people but Lord knows I’m not getting up and going out there. I am suddenly in 8th grade again. Im anxious and frozen in my seat. I see this person every day but this isn’t work and there are no work people here and this is so weird and scary. What is wrong with me? And then he’s moving. Toward me. Holy Jesus. And then he’s past me and out the door. Really, that was it? Nothing? Not even hello? COOL.
I’m mildly annoyed.
but then he came back inside the bar! And this time Marisa and I call out to him but to no avail. He’s either ignoring me or doesn’t hear me. This will obviously be an internal debate that will last for days. But, here he comes again and I call out again but nothing. He walks past me and heads for the door. And then it happened. My very drunk friend Eric becomes enraged. “That’s him? He’s not going to treat you like that” he says to me as he follows him out of the bar. Eric is going to fight him. Oh my God. Eric would be squashed by this person. I’m so afraid. I cannot be the cause of Eric’s death. I like Eric a lot and nothing about the relationship I have with this other person could warrant me losing my Eric. Yet still, I’m flattered and reminded that Eric’s right. He’s not going to treat me like this. What an asshole. Tell me to come to this stupid, crowded bar and then don’t even make an effort to say hello?douche.
Thankfully, Eric failed to catch up to him before he got in the car because the person and his brothers and friends probably would’ve either killed him or very near killed him. So, nothing of any consequence actually happened at country night except Eric reminded me that I already have people, men specifically, in my life who treat me the way I deserve to be treated and possibly way better than I deserve sometimes. For this reason, I have no need to keep people who treat me less than around in any real capacity.
It was a fun few months, but I see no tacos here.