Things I am Sure Of

My dating experience is limited and I’ll be the first to admit it. My track record with dudes is far less than spectacular. The greatest romance of my 22 years lasted less than six months. BUT – I have been using my time wisely. As per my grandma’s advice, I’ve begun compiling a list of things I am sure I do and/or do not want from a man. It’s as follows:

You must know the value of a pinky promise. It’s not to be taken lightly. You must make me laugh – at yours or my own expense. You have to know that I embarrass freakishly easy and have a shy streak a mile wide. You’ll do things to embarrass me anyway and I’ll love you so much more for it. Know it’s the little things that excite me and get excited with me. Nothing’s a bigger bummer than feeling like you’re in it alone. Tolerate my friends, even if you don’t like them. They’re an extension of myself. Be fun. Play with me; chase me in stores, tickle me when I’m not paying attention, talk to me in stupid voices always. I’m eternally fifteen and I’ll make no apologies for it.

I say dumb things. Make fun of me when I deserve it, but take me seriously when I mean it. I am not stupid or boring and neither are my thoughts and opinions. Also, I need you to have opinions. They never have to match mine, but they need to exist. Being a thinking, caring human being is important to me.

Don’t laugh at me when I cry, even if it is over some youtube video of a kid and his puppy. Argue with me, even if I have no idea what I’m talking about. Prove me wrong. I love it that you’re smart. Believe that I know what I’m talking about. Love that I really truly love sports but am terrible with statistics. Teach me. I still have so much to learn. Know things that I don’t; how to get places, how to fix things, really anything I could possibly have a question about. If you don’t know the answer, google it. Hug me when I’m sad and then make me laugh again. Tell me I’m pretty occasionally but only often enough that I know you really think so and you’re not just saying it. Love kids.

Stick with me when things really suck. Understand that the outside world has an incomprehensible impact on me and I get stressed out really easily. Also know I’m not the best at dealing with stress. Give me a second when I’m being a horrible person. Tell me honestly, and not meanly, when I’m being a horrible person. I want to be better. Help me.

Understand my sarcasm and banter with me, but know that it has boundaries. Know how much I hate secrets and how much they complicate things. Be with me in the idea that honesty is unbelievably important and I’d prefer everything were always out in the open. Don’t lie.

Don’t judge. I will never make you feel bad for having or not having tattoos. Don’t make me feel like mine are wrong. I promise, I didn’t have you in mind when I got them. Treat them as if they’re a part of my body. When I drink too much, take me home before I embarrass myself. Never make me feel like I was wrong for doing that. Feed me pretzels, tuck me in and let me sleep. Understand how much I love sleeping.

Don’t take things too seriously right away and never rush. Fast is scary. Never promise forever. Forever is scary. Go on adventures with me. Share in my need to travel. Like that I’m eternally fifteen. Like that I laugh at literally everything. Love my dog: she’s non-negotiable.


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