New Year, New Me?

Nope.

How about New Year, new everything else.

I’m pretty okay with “me” aside from the extra pounds put on since October – Thank you, Graduation stress, Finals Stress and Holidays! I’ll start off 2013 just like I start off every year: with a solem vow to return to the gym, no more Tacos, and to have my 15 year old abs and thighs again by May. I’ll end up dropping the extra few LB’s I didn’t have last summer and make no further progress, but other than that, I pretty much plan to stay exactly who I am and have been. My New Years resolution is simple and realistic this year: I want to run a 5k in under 40 minutes. This is something I could’ve easily accomplished in High School and my only desire is to be physically fit again. Cass and I will hopefully be running the color run in March and I’d prefer she didn’t embarrass me.

What I do absolutely intend to leave at the door is all of the dead weight and bad vibes I’ve been carrying around for the better part of 2012. Have you done me wrong in the past year? You might notice more distance between us, such as no communication at all from here on out.

It’s not a secret that 2012 has been my own personal version of hell. After losing both my grandparents within months, it’s been pretty difficult for me to keep my spirits up about anything. BUT, 2012 did a couple incredible things for me as well. (Eternal optimism prevails!)

1. I got the opportunity to live in Europe for a month.
The chance to spend an entire month in Ireland is a pretty awesome thing in and of itself. Ireland has been top 10 on my “places to travel” list for as long as I’ve had a list. I wish I could’ve been in a better mindset when I set sail, but it is what it is. For anyone who’s known me for any extended period of time, though, it’s clear that this trip was way more than just a chance to travel.  It’s the most I’ve ever removed myself from my comfort zone and ever really, truly been on my own. I wasn’t alone by any means, in fact I had the best surrogate Mom and family overseas that I could’ve asked for, but nonetheless they weren’t my mom and family.  My Nonni used to tell me pretty often that it was “time to cut the cord” and that’s exactly what that trip did for me. I suffered only mild homesickness, which is a huge feat for me. This month abroad taught me above all that I’ll be okay on my own no matter where the world takes me as long as I surround myself with good people. I am endlessly thankful I had this opportunity. (Also, those Irish men can talk to me whenever they want for as long as they want. Ohboy.)

2. My new job
Thinking about it recently, part of my mini-mental-breakdown/quarter life crisis this year was probably partially due to how much I really hated my old job and how scared I was about working there after two years with graduation looming.  Finding my first editing job in September was a literal God send. My job is not difficult and it’s not high pressure. It’s far from what you’d picture if I only said that I work in live sports. Nonetheless, I love it there. I love that I’m doing something I care about and is more than sitting at a desk and dusting, occasionally. I like the people I work with, in all their ‘colorful’ glory, and I love love love that I no longer work in retail. It’s just part time work for a lot of people, but for me it was an escape from Tanning hell and a boost of confidence when one was desperately needed. Who knows where I’ll be in another year (hopefully still at NeuLion…c’mon NHL) but whichever way it goes, I’m not at Hollywood Tans anymore.

3.

There’s really no way to convey this better. Above all, 2012 taught me that I can handle it. Alone. Just me. I am good. Me, with the support of my family and friends, can do whatever Me wants to do.  Mid-crisis, when I literally thought I might be done living (Love that melodrama) my aunt said to me “Jess. You’ve done everything in your life up until this point by yourself – you took all those APs, you got into college, you got through your freshman year, you studied abroad alone, you found an internship and a job – you can do whatever you want, by yourself.” Obviously, I am and will forever be an outstanding student. But Aunt B wasn’t wrong. I was never the kid whose hand needed to be held. My homework never had to be double checked by anyone because I did it and my parents never so much as looked at a college application.  2012 was a cruel and harsh reminder of just how awesomely independent I am. So Hey, Prince charming. You’re really cute and all and I appreciate the free dinners and drinks but – I’m good for right now.

How awful 2012 was overall will definitely make ringing in 2013 just a little bit sweeter, despite having to do it without my grandparents. That’s just something that I’ll get used to with time, I’m sure.  I’m already excited about all that’s to come in 2013: (prays) a Hockey season and thus full time employment, a much-needed vacation for my family, all of whom 2012 beat the crap out of,  my triumphant return to Disney World, a couple road trips in the works, HARRY POTTER WORLD, my first trip to Atlantic City, and whatever else.  It can only get better.

Happy New Year, everyone! May it be happy and healthy. Thanks for reading and all the support over the past few months. I never thought I’d have half the traffic I do here. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.

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