Driving Home in Traffic on A Friday

Of all the things in life that make me nervous, traffic on my drive home is almost never one of them. To clarify, traffic on my drive TO school or work or my internship is an entirely different thing. I am the very picture of road rage if I am traveling less than 65mph on the Southern State at 8AM on my way to class. I have places to be and all you idiots are in my way and I am the only human on planet Earth that knows how to drive a car, apparently. There is no reason to step on the breaks, asshole. You are all going to prevent me from getting a parking space, which will literally ruin my day. (My parking anxiety is off the charts. I leave 2 hours early for class. I live 20 minutes from campus.) It should also be said that if I’m more than fifteen minutes late getting to campus, unless it’s a three hour class, I just won’t go. (More on my anxiety from walking into crowded rooms alone later.) But, as much as I detest my drive to school/interning, I love my drive home. In fact, it just took me 45 minutes to do what is usually a 20 minute drive and loved every second of it.

First of all, I’m going home. It’s a Friday afternoon and I have nowhere to be. The same is usually true when I’m driving home from class any night of the week because I actually have no discernible social life these days. There is no better feeling than to have nowhere to be; no deadlines, nothing scheduled. It is literally the best. I can’t begin to understand why people get stressed out in home-bound traffic. Are you in a rush to get to your couch? Do you have to poop? These are real questions, people. My advice is: invest in an iPod and embrace it. Rush hour is going to happen. You are never going to stop it. It’s a shit ton more enjoyable with the windows down and singing John Mayer or The Offspring, both featured artists on my driving-home-diva-concert today. It’s the best when I’m in the car alone, which is often. (I’m alone often, if you haven’t caught on to that by now.) I can’t carry a tune to save my life. I don’t even sing karaoke because I’d feel bad for strangers/I’m scared of being judged. But in the car by myself, I sing as loud as I can because the music’s so loud not even I can judge me. It is quite possibly my favorite part of my week.

Second of all, I don’t have to talk to anyone. Technically, I can’t answer my phone because I’m driving on the parkway. It’d be unsafe for me to take a call doing 70. That’s what I tell you, but in all actuality, I love not talking to you for that 20 minutes to an hour. If i wanted to talk to you, I’d probably damn all the consequences and answer the phone anyway. But, I’m very busy giving the best musical performance of my life, thank you very much.

So here I am: alone, singing, being happy, and ignoring all of you. What is bad? I don’t understand why people complain about commuting, unless they’re exclusively complaining about the drive to work. The drive home has the potential to be the most relaxing, fantastic part of your day if you do it right. Or they’re taking the train. That’s probably not fun at all and you might fall asleep and sleep through your stop and end up in another country. Terrifying.


(Also, I thought of all this on my drive home. Where else do you have that much free thinking time? Nowhere. That’s where. Showers are short. Don’t kid yourself.)


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