When you make less money than you spend

Short post because it’s been a long and exhausting weekend but this has been bugging me since Friday.

As I understand it, not having a big enough income is a common problem. Nationwide, maybe even. In fact, it may be the very reason credit cards and credit debt exist. But who am I to make such grand assumptions about economy-related-things? I know nothing.

This week my paycheck was for exactly 80 cents less than I needed to cover just my basic expenditures for the week. These basic expenditures include gas to get to and from school/work/internships and anywhere else I may need to go, which sometimes includes the hospital to visit my grandma and the mall to exacerbate my depression over having no money and loving pretty clothes. They also include my credit card payment, which I make weekly in order to keep my debt at bay while still maintaining some form of personal credit and finally, paying Jess back the $130 I owe her from while we were in Dublin and she put our hotel on her credit card. To give you an insight on how little money I make, it’s taken me three weeks to save up $130 while not entirely draining my bank account. So when I say I have no money, I literally have no money. I cannot even buy a cup of coffee let alone pay the cover for 3 bars in a night, friends. My net worth is way in the negative these days. Stop bothering me about how infrequently I come out. You bitches are expensive to keep up with.

Also, because technically I made -$.80 this week, I can’t go shopping or buy ANYTHING. This is terrible if you’re me. Retail therapy is all that works. I love having nice things so, so much.

As I’ve mentioned, in the past few weeks I’ve become absolutely obsessed with keeping track of my spending and not overdrawing my checking account. But, what happens when there is literally just not enough money coming in to cover even the basics? You ask mom and dad, that’s what. But in real life, where I intend to be in three months, I want to rely on my wonderful, unfailing, constantly reliable safety net as infrequently as possible. So, making not enough money makes me feel pretty disgusting. And I know, money can’t buy happiness and all that jazz. I know. But, I just want to be independent and I think that’s a pretty good thing to want to be as a person and money is kind of the key to that these days. I hate the idea of having to rely on my parents for gas money or even worse, money to go out on the weekends. Those, I feel, are things they shouldn’t have to pay for anymore. I also feel after working for six years of my life, I should have something more to show for it, but hey. Thems the breaks I guess. And, just putting this out there, I don’t know how people -girls specifically- live with themselves if they allow their boyfriends to pay for things. I don’t mean like dinner or a movie or whatever it is that couples do – but paying for their bills or clothes or tangible things of that sort which boyfriends have no business paying for. Gifts occasionally are nice but how do you let yourself be entirely reliant on another person who may or may not be gone tomorrow? I don’t understand it. Maybe you can explain it to me. But maybe better off, just accept that I’m probably right and if you’re doing it, stop it. I don’t even feel entirely comfortable letting men buy me a drink at a bar (unless you’re my friend and I know you’re not trying any funny business. Then, I will take all of the free drinks, gentlemen). I don’t want to owe anyone anything. Why do you let some man put gas in your car? Questions that will never have answers.

I don’t have much else to say about this other than it sucks a lot and I am literally begging for positive thoughts for my job interview tomorrow because I firmly believe it will be the solution to all of my financial problems, at least for a while.


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